To The First-Born

To My First-Born,

You are the big one now.

The attention you were getting just took a serious hit, am I right?

I know how much you love the little one. The number of kisses is nearing the thousands by now.

But I know it’s been tough, kiddo.

I always thought I was teaching you the things.

Teaching you new words, introducing you to new foods, showing you how to tie your shoes, and helping you learn to pour your own milk.

Somewhere along the journey, I started to realize that you were teaching me the things.

I’ve learned that if I act like I’m listening but look distracted, you notice. But if I look you in the eye, you feel heard.

I’ve learned that when you play with the baby, it’s less about getting that tiny giggle and more about making sure I acknowledge how sweet you are.

I’ve learned that you miss time just for you.

Being the oldest is a responsibility you didn’t ask for, you were born into. You didn’t choose this role, but it is yours.

Even though you are the big one, you’ll always be my first little.

Forgive me for the moments I miss the mark. For the times I fail.

Recently, you asked me to hold you. You are big now, so this request almost never comes along. I quickly scooped you up in my arms and gave you a squeeze. I asked why you wanted me to hold you and you simply said, “I feel safe”.

Once again, you taught me something. In that moment, you reminded me that we never grow out of hugs. We’re never too big for love. Because In that moment, I felt safe too. You made me stop. You helped me pause. I took in a deep breath of you, which was a deep breath of life.

You are the big one now, and you are doing great. I’m still learning, each and every day. Remind me to let you be little. Ask me to hold you even when you are bigger than me.

Continue to teach me, big kid.

With all my love,

The Mom